I didn’t know what I wanted for dinner tonight. I wandered up and down Lexington until I spotted a noodle shop. It wasn’t fast food and it wasn’t pizza, so why not? As I worked my way down the menu, I saw “Singaporean Rice Noodles,” with a little red pepper next to it. In fact, it was the only fried noodle dish with a red pepper. I was in a spicy mood.

At least I thought I was. Back at the office, I’m eating these super spicy noodles and I start sweating bullets. No sweat (HAHA), I think; I have a bunch of napkins with which to dab my forehead. But then, who decides to walk into my room but my boss, wanting to chat it up. Great. So she’s sitting across from me talking about God knows what, and all I can do is sit in front of her, nodding and sweating like a monkey. It got so bad that I had to wipe my face with a napkin while she was making idle conversation. How embarrassing.

But at least the noodles were good.

Random fact about me: I don’t like listening to James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful on the radio because they replace “f*cking high” with “flying high.” In my opinion, that (correct) lyric makes the song. Way to let me down again radio. Sigh.

The guitar and cymbals crescendoed as I walked down the lonely, dank hallway. I knew what was coming. As I emerged into the night, the cold air hit my face and the drums hit. I slid my finger across the volume dial and closed my eyes as I walked to my car.

It was almost surreal.

Lights will guide you home.

Here’s a hypothetical question for all y’all:

Don’t you hate it when you let loose a really smelly one but find yourself too lazy to get up and move away–leaving you to gag and choke on your own stench?

Remember: hypothetical.

Happy New Year’s everybody!

Dear Andrei,

I’m sorry. I did not realize that my use of the bottom drawer of the cabinet would inconvenience you so. I will move my things as soon as I can get into it. Please leave the cabinet unlocked so I can move them as expeditiously as possible. I am also sorry that in the 2 minutes that we met I gave you the impression that I was the type of person who would rifle through your personal effects to take and use your headphones. I assure you I did no such thing, as I have my own personal music device complete with headphones. You must have left them out by accident and assumed I used them–completely understandable. Next time you accidentally leave something out, I will leave a note stating I found it that way so such a misunderstanding does not occur again. I mean, nobody’s perfect. I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I hope we can be friends. :)

Sincerely yours,

Clarence

jerizm (2:18:42 PM): http://www.aspanovasbizkaia.org/spotafanoc.htm Auto response from clear rants (2:18:42 PM): I fell out of my chair. This may take a while. clear rants (2:26:50 PM): omg jerizm (2:28:37 PM): sad! clear rants (2:27:02 PM): http://www.aspanovasbizkaia.org/spotafanoc.htm clear rants (2:27:07 PM): i hate jerry for sending me this aNiMeMaN14 (2:27:23 PM): jerizm (2:20:12 PM): :’[ jerizm (2:20:24 PM): i bet it’ll make clarence cry aNiMeMaN14 (2:20:55 PM): ya aNiMeMaN14 (2:21:05 PM): he’ll prolly link me to it later aNiMeMaN14 (2:21:09 PM): with a frowny face clear rants (2:27:56 PM): lol what a dick aNiMeMaN14 (2:28:04 PM): LOL hahahaha we know you so well aNiMeMaN14 (2:28:06 PM): clear rants (2:28:14 PM): i hate youg uys aNiMeMaN14 (2:28:21 PM): aNiMeMaN14 (2:28:30 PM): this should so be blogged clear rants (2:28:55 PM): true

Another recount can be found here.

I saw this on sarajane’s xanga, and thought I’d give it a try. Google “[insert your name here] needs” and see what it says.

What Google says about”Clarence needs”

1. Clarence needs your help
2. Clarence needs his specially-adapted van and a driver
3. Clarence needs £100000 a year, mostly for 24-hour care cover
4. Clarence needs your support to complete more DNA testing that will prove he is innocent
5. Clarence needs to give his good friend a piece of his mind
6. Clarence needs to visit the vet
7. Clarence needs to get into better conditioning but has soft hands and the tools to be a very good player
8. Clarence needs advice on how to handle the situation
9. Clarence needs to learn that round pegs don’t fit in square…
10. Clarence needs to rescue Doris by chasing the Beach Bruiser all over the island!

Sorry I was just going to do 10, but this is fun, so here’s some more:

11. Clarence needs to clean up his work area.
12. Clarence needs plastic surgery
13. Clarence needs Jewish support in Crown Heights if he wants to hold on to power
14. Clarence needs a swing of 5.6 per cent to fall to the Coalition
15. Clarence needs work on about a third of his scalp

And here’s one from me: Clarence needs your support and if you can spare some, a little prayer. Thanks.

I felt like writing a new entry, but couldn’t think of anything to write about, so I’m writing about the first thing I saw on my desk:

My thoughts on the subject (in a handy list format!):

1. Curiously strong? Damn straight! The first time I had an Altoid, I thought to myself, “That’s a strong mint! But, why!?!”

2. I think Altoids is a pretty bad name for something you put in your mouth. The name Altoids sounds like ‘roids. That ain’t tasty.

3. Mentha Piperita. I always wondered where the peppermint flavor came from. The only image that popped into my mind were those peppermints you get as you leave a restaurant. Now I know that the flavor comes from a pretty weak looking plant with raspberry-like protrusions. I still prefer those cute, round little candies.

4. Ent. Stationer’s Hall: I have no idea what that means. Perhaps it is the secret rendezvous point for British secret agents the world over. (Note to self: google map “Ent. Stationer’s Hall.”)

5. Nutrition Facts on the back: Total Fat: 0g, Sodium: 0mg, Total Carb: 2g, Protein: 0g. Conclusion: Altoids not Atkins friendly; apparently, they are all carbs.

6. Serving size: 3 pieces. Now I don’t know about you, but one piece is usually enough to make my mouth minty fresh. This 3 piece serving size is probably due to the fact that British people are known to have chronic halitosis (uber bad breath). Brush your teeth you bloody wankers!

7. After the Altoids are made in Great Britain, they are brought over to East Hanover, NJ for distribution. Let’s thank the British for trying to combat the stench of New Jersey. Kudos.

8. That is all. So ends the lamest entry ever. Thank you.

From today’s Times…

Good Smell Perplexes New Yorkers

I got this list off of an email. It’s funny how all of these bring a reminiscent smile to my face–just like with those “You know you’re a child of the 80’s if…” lists. But I wonder, for those of you non-Cornellians out there, how much of this list seems like complete gibberish to you?

A Typical Cornellian. Are you one?

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1. You’ve wasted your Big Red Bucks at the end of the semester because they don’t carry over from fall to spring.
2. Though there are 14,000 undergrads, you know everyone that actually leaves their room.
3. You go to the library just to people watch
4. …and study in a cocktail lounge
5. …or fish bowl.
6. You get excited when you meet people with the net id above or below you.
7. You shop online just to send packages to yourself.
8. You actually understand the significance of a standard deviation.
9. A trip to Wegmans is the highlight of your week.
10. 10 people in a car is a minimum.
11. You and everyone you know has wiped out at least once down a flight of stairs.
12. You’ve run into a TA at CTB on a saturday night… drunk.
13. You’ve cried before a prelim
14. …and after.
15. You know what a prelim is.
16. You know you can bursar a vibrator at Gannett.
17. Your bursar bill is higher than your credit card bill.
18. You feel self-conscious about dressing normally when eating at Risley.
19. You spend 2 hours at RPU for dinner.
20. You have to try 10 different airports to fly out for break (Ithaca, Elmira, Binghamtom, Syracuse, Rochester, Buffalo, Albany, NYC, Newark, LaGuardia).
21. You know that kid from montana who wears shorts…everyday.
22. You wear shorts when the temperature hits 45.
23. You have smoothie hut, wings, louie’s, DP dough, pita pit and ithaca taxi programmed into your phone.
24. The people that live in 312 college ave are ballers.
25. Cars without 4-wheel drive are worthless.
26. Though you’ve never met her, you receive daily emails from Denise Cassaro
27. Your school sponsors a day devoted to getting drunk…SLOPE DAY!
28. You don’t understand dragon day, but were amazed to see architects out of hiding.
29. You know who we are talking about when we say “That guy at Oakenshields.”
30. Swedish massage, body mind, sailing and renaissance fencing fulfill gym requirements.
31. You’ve gotten up at 7:30 for coursenroll, but couldn’t log on until 7:37 and ended up with all 8:30 classes.

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That reminds me: I still need to take DP Dough’s, Vietnam, Wings, Hong Kong, CTP, Four Seasons, Studio 108, and Taste of Thai out of my phone. Damn, I am/was a fatty. :P