Have you ever read a book that you never wanted to end? Have you ever been so gripped by a story that you just wanted to be in it forever?
These books are rare–the ones that capture your attention so. You think you are prepared for what you’re in for; perhaps you have read the book jacket or it was recommended by someone you know. But as you carefully and hesitantly open to the first page, a part of you hopes that this will be one of those stories: a saga that will carry you away, that will leave you changed… that you will remember forever. Often, it doesn’t take long to realize what you have in your hands. You are immediately captured by the story, the prose, the promise.
You can’t put it down. You are drawn to it. You stay up all night enthralled by the story within. You lose all sense of time. All you notice–all you anticipate–is the turn of the next page. When you have to put it down for just a moment, your fingers linger on the pages and you carefully remember your place. And when you return, you embrace the story once again.
As you feel yourself become a part of the story, it becomes a part of you. It may inspire you, it may move you to tears, it may even anger you. The more passionate your reaction to the story, the greater its impression. And that’s when you know you’ve got a good one.
That’s how I want it to be with you.
1. On the steps of the World Financial Center
2. In her apartment after watching “The Ring”
-. Drunken Spider-man kiss in Barton during Senior week*
3. In the Barnes and Noble parking lot staircase
* Technically a first kiss, but not really.
I was at sharebee downloading the new Lenka album when a pop-up… uh, popped up.
SHOOT FIVE CANTALOUPES AND WIN A PRIZE!
I moused over it quickly on my way to close it and my mouse turned into a target hovering over a series of cantaloupes slowly rolling from right to left. As I clicked the X button, I wondered what animation they would use for my shooting the cantaloupe? Would the cantaloupe explode when I clicked on it? That might actually be interesting to see.
But alas, I had closed the window already. Now I’ll never know what an exploding cantaloupe looks like. And that, my friends, is what they call regret.
I’m not really sure how or why but all of sudden, I’m filled with a great amount of hope.
Hope for love, the future and everything. Today was a good day.
And just in case you’re wondering, no, nothing happened today. I’m not sure why I feel this way either.
The words we use really do carry a lot of power, whether we realize it or not.
Last night, I was talking to a friend about how my aunt and my mom were conspiring to get me to meet this girl in Philadelphia. Her first reaction to the news was shock, “What? You definitely don’t need any help getting a girlfriend.” And then we continued discussing the matter.
But that little statement stuck with me. To her, it was probably a casual, nonchalant statement; she said it without any thought at all and she probably doesn’t even remember saying it. But to me, it meant a lot. Although it may not come across to everyone, I am still a very shy and self-conscious person and sometimes a little unsolicited affirmation from an external source is just what I need.
I wonder if I have made any comments in passing that have affected other people in similar ways. I really hope I have. And it is this simple fact–the raw power in a statement that is so honest that it is uttered without a second thought–that reaffirms my belief that one should always speak what they really believe.
The elevator doors opened. There were at least 7 of us waiting in the elevator bank, and all we did was stare. You see, we were waiting for the express elevator.
The empty elevator stared us right back, challenging us. Dare we tempt fate and risk taking the local elevator? A man and a woman nervously coughed and ambled on to the elevator. The monitor told us the express elevator was in its way down and would arrive shortly. The rest of us stood our ground. I kept my eyes glued to the status monitor as the local doors closed. The local elevator we just ignored was only going to one floor: the floor beneath mine. I should have gotten on. As we all shuffled on to the express elevator, I watched as the buttons of the 3 floors below mine all light up. So much for express.
–
We were coming home from tailgating at Giants stadium and I had just filled up with cheap Jersey gas. As I pulled on to the Turnpike, I was offered a choice: Express or Local. I was trying to make it home for the closing ceremonies of the Olympics so I went with the “Express” lane. Big bloody mistake. As I sat in approximately an hour of traffic in the Express lane, I was kept awake by watching all the cars in the local lanes fly by.
I have come to the conclusion that “Express” is just a way to trick sheep into thinking they are taking a more proactive and efficient route in life. It’s all bullshit. From now on, I’m going local.
Recently, I’ve come to realize and appreciate the importance of the extended family. I think I’ve always taken the concept of an extended family for granted. Perhaps it’s because I come from such a big family. It might also be because here in New York I’m not really that close with any of my relatives. My uncles and aunts are all “old” and therefore seem inaccessible on a more personal level. The cousins here are significantly younger than me so growing up I often felt like I was responsible for taking care of them. Hanging out with them in a non-family-related capacity had just never occurred to me.
As a result, over the years I’ve come to treasure my friendships more than my familial bonds. To me, water was thicker than blood. I think part of the reason I held such a reverse-philosophy is because I’m an only child. I had never developed that close and intimate relationship only siblings can share. But as I examined the friends around me, I realized that these friendships were as good, if not better, than most siblings’ relationships.
A couple weeks ago, I visited some family and saw many relatives whom I hadn’t seen for almost a decade. Surprisingly, I instantly felt at home. All my cousins had grown up. They were no longer the litle girls that I perpetually thought of them as. After sharing a meal with them, I realized that we had connected on such a profound level in just the span of a lunch. Was it just because we had compatible personalities or was it something more? Maybe there was something to the whole blood thicker than water adage.
The instant connection we shared coupled with seeing my mom surrounded by all her brothers and sisters further cemented this feeling. My grandmother’s death made me realize that when my parents are gone, I will basically be alone. Sure, I’ll still have my friends and probably an amazing wife, but still nothing can replace family. And that’s when I made the choice to not only get to know my cousins better, but to get to know them well. Plus, it helps that they’re pretty awesome people.
I generally display a sunny disposition. This is not a lie. I am, for the most part, a happy person. But some times… some times I find myself three toes deep in the darkness, looking back and wondering what’s holding me back from casting myself into it and letting its fiery, icy embrace envelop me.
There are moments in my life that stand out, striking because of their extraordinary sharpness of focus. It isn’t the vividness of the memory or the strength of emotion, it’s the clarity of mind that is arresting. There is nothing specific revealed, no grandstanding epiphany; it’s just a feeling of complete and unadulterated freedom of will. It’s an adrenaline rush. It feels as if I am driven from within; to what, even I don’t know.
It’s during these short-lived moments that it feels like I’m a spectator in my own life–twice removed from my mortal coil–able to observe all the little things that I had been previously too close to see. Things that seemed so important before are exposed to be just insignificant whims of the mind. I often seem to lose sight of the big picture: the overarching purpose behind it all.
But that’s the weird part about these moments of lucidity, I don’t actually see the big picture. I feel it. It’s hard to explain. I am not given a vision of what’s out there for me, but it feels as if there is something pushing me towards it. I know it’s out there. I can feel it.
I had an epiphany last night in the shower (yes, that is where all my major thinking gets done).
It is common knowledge that while I am currently single, I’ve got a bunch of female friends that I am very close with. I get along really well with these ladies but I don’t find any of them attractive. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are attractive. I am aware that they are pretty, cute, etc. No, I’m not gay. I think it’s mostly that I’ve gone past the point of no return on an emotional level, and we’re just… past that. Anyway, you may be wondering what the epiphany was by now. I had to make sure I provided a little backstory before I dropped it on you. Anyway, here it is:
If you added all of my girl friends together into one amalgamated super girl, I would have the perfect girlfriend.
Let me explain. I realized that while I am really close with all of these girls, my conversations with them tend to revolve around a certain aspect of my life. I trust them all with all the aspects of my life, but it just seems that for certain subjects, I go to certain friends. One of them gets all my music talk, another one, TV. I’ve got a girl friend for all the “guy” talk (sex, drugs and rock and roll). Another one gets my more feminine side–I’m sorry, I meant sensitive side. I’ve even got one girl friend for the church side of me. I’m telling you, I’ve got one for everything. Now if you put all these girls together, and joined them a la the Power Rangers Megazord, you would find my perfect girlfriend.
That was quite possibly the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever had. Girls, if you’re reading this, I would never want to combine you with anybody else and you are in no way just a part of a super-awesome whole. I love you exactly the way you are <3.
Everything always becomes clearer when you take a step back and take a look at the big picture. Of course, it helps that when you take your step back, you’re already standing about 3 miles away from the issue.
In one of my many sessions with my “clients,” I thought about the situations she was relating, and I thought to myself, “the solution is so obvious!” And as I thought about it a little more, I had a sense of déjà vu. I remember having almost the exact same issue and going about it completely wrong. In hindsight, I was a complete dolt for taking that route. Why hadn’t I seen the “obvious” solution?
It sucks being too close to the situation. It sucks when your feelings get in the way of objectivity. Your mind and every part of you may be screaming to run the other way, but your heart will pull you back every time. You can see yourself, horrified, doing what you know is the wrong thing, but you can’t do anything about it, because you know your heart will always have the last say. God help us, we’re just not strong enough.
It’s easy to judge when you’re observing a situation through binoculars. But if you get close enough, you’ll realize it’s never simple. And it’s never easy.
