clear rants

Werd.

We did it guys, finally. Congratulations to us all. I miss y’all like whoa. I love all of you–from the bottom of my motha-effing heart. See some of you on Friday, some of you during the summer, some of you in August, and some of you on GW. Peace outside.

Peace, love, and new beginnings (not endings),
Clear Pants Rainheart

“I think they only smell when you have to shit, so you know if you can fart when you’re around people.”

“Did you ever try to sniff it all up? So that other people wouldn’t be able to smell it?”

It’s good to know that if you’re around people and have to fart, and you don’t feel an impending crapping on its way, then you’re good to go. Thanks for the info, Mr. W! Not so sure about the relevance and/or validity of the second statement, however. I’ll leave that up to your own judgement.

Oh hey, did you know? I’m graduating on Sunday. That’s like 30 hours away.

Peace, Love, and farts,
Clear Pants Rainheart

And with four days left, each moment seems that much more precious.

Tonight I revealed so much about myself to two people whom I love a lot. It made me feel so vulnerable, yet comfortable at the same time.

I told them about all those deep, dark things that I feel about myself; my shortcomings, my failures, etc. However, I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed nor did I feel a need to hold back. It just felt so right spilling out my guts to them.

It’s an amazing feeling–knowing someone so well, and being known so well by them in return. We make connections every day, but the profound ones–the ones that touch us deep in our souls–are the connections that we will forever cherish.

I can’t even begin to describe how great it feels to love and care about your friends so much. Perhaps my vocabulary is too limited, or my feeling for them is too immeasurable. Either way, I love you guys. And I swear that I won’t let it fade. That’s just something I can’t throw away. You’ve facilitated my growth as a person in so many ways you may never know or understand. Thanks.

Currently listening to: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

I have so much to update and say about life–graduation, myself, friends, etc. But I don’t feel like sharing so much. However, what I do feel like sharing is an amazing song called Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

(lead singer of Frou Frou). The song was played 3 times during the season finale of the O.C. That’s how awesome it is (because we all know the OC is hot sex).

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking, feeling
Spin me around again
And rub my eyes
This can’t be happening
When busy streets
Amess with people
Would start to walk
Their heads heavy
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments can’t be fought
The takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life
Hide and Seek
Trains and sewing machines (you won’t catch me around here)
Blot out two hearts
They were here first
Ohm, what’d you say, Mmm, that you only meant well?
When, ’cause you did
Ohm, what’d you say, Mmm, that it’s all for the best
Of course it is
Ohm, what’d you say, Mmm, that it’s just what we need
You decided this
Ohm, what’d you say, Mmm, what did you say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mint sweet darkness, paper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no unbelieving
You can bet you don’t care a bit
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Sick, sweet darkness, paper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no unbelieving
You can bet you don’t care a, you don’t care a bit
Oh no, you don’t care a bit
Oh no, you don’t care a bit
Uh-uh, you don’t care a bit
You don’t care a bit
You don’t care a bit

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

Peace, Love, and a play count of 56 and going…
Clear Pants Rainheart

PS- IM me if you want the song. I’ll be happy to share the love.

*Edit* Ok I just read the first paragraph and it made absolutely no sense, so lets pretend it never happened and start the post on the second paragraph. God I suck as a writer.

As everybody played beer pong last night at Cook St., I couldn’t help but notice that for one of the first times in my life, I was surrounded by people who were drinking, and I didn’t even get the slightest desire to drink; nor did I feel awkward. (Uber run-on sentence there btw) I was perfectly content to just chill on the couch and watch the games go on. Ok. I think the actual amazing thing was that I didn’t feel awkward. Because I’m not a big drinker anyway, my lack of desire to drink didn’t come as much as a surprise. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about actually. I think I just feel more mature because I’m content and secure with myself, and I actually don’t have to do what everybody else is doing just to “fit in.” I guess I’m a late bloomer.

But here’s where my maturity shined: when I got back that night, I checked my email. A CSA officer decided to send me a nasty email about the website. Needless to say, this pissed me the fuck off. Who the fuck did he think he was? So I wrote an equally (hopefully more) nasty email back to him–rife with sarcasm, f bombs and shit fucks. I was so pissed. Damn him. I thought it would end there. I mean, damn, my email was pretty nasty. He knew not to mess with me.

I woke up the next morning, and the son of a bitch emailed me back with another nasty letter. This one dripping with even more sarcasm and hate. At first, I cracked my knuckles, stretched out my fingers, and prepared to fling the poo and unleash the pain. But then, something struck me: it felt so fucking ridiculous–so childlike and petty. So I decided to be the bigger man and take the high road. I calmly explained the situation, apologized for my nasty email, and told him that “I’m not doing this with you.” But don’t worry, I still managed to get a (polite) dig or two in. His reply contained an apology for his nastiness, a thank you for “being a man and stepping up to the plate,” and even an acknowledgement of his pride issues.

Anyway, to make a long story short, it feels good to be mature enough to swallow one’s pride and take the high road. Especially when the other party notices and acknowledges it. But I think, even if he didn’t, I would’ve been happy knowing I can no longer stoop to that petty, immature level.

I’m kinda above that now. :O

PS. I called him a fireplug (as a compliment). I like that word: fireplug.

The other day, I felt like changing my AIM profile. At first, I started looking for lyrics that were apropos to my life. But then I got lazy after 5 minutes of failure. Then I scoured IMDB for ‘memorable quotes’ from the last 3 movies I’ve seen. Seeing as they were all chinese movies, it was a rather stupid idea. Exasperated, I threw together a slapdash list of things going through my head; ‘blips on my radar’ so to speak. I really liked it. Like a lot. So here it is:

my life companions. graduation pangs. saying goodbye. never being a two minute walk away from all my friends at four in the morning ever again. growing up. the “real” world. hate. my high-ass emotional iq. my cynicism. how i used to be “cool” on xanger. writing about how i really feel about life, the universe, and everything. and not letting you see it.

I guess the last part doesn’t really apply to the 3 (hopefully now 4) readers of this blog. But yeah. I think I’m gonna keep this blips thing up. It’s like a snapshot of my mind. That’s fucking awesome (if you ask me).

so. fucking. emotional.

Sometimes I bottle it all up so that people won’t see all the ugly.

I had a thought yesterday. (Yes, just one.)

Perhaps I am a pretentious prick.

No? Maybe it’s just me.

Peace, Love and pretentious pricks,
Clear Pants Rainheart

PS - I also have a potty mouth.