clear rants

Got this off Eunice’s site.

Note: Even if you don’t xanger anymore. I may have written something to you, so check it anyway :)

How To Play:
- Choose 20 people from your subscription list at random.
- Write something about/to each of them.
- Don’t tell anyone who the statements are about. Good or bad. No matter how much they beg!

1. I’m very impressed with how intelligent you are. Everytime I read somethign you write I’m like, damn. I wish I could be as articulate and as cool as you. Or maybe at least as mysteriously vague. You should allow comments more often. :P

2. HA! I SUCKED YOU BACK INTO XANGER. SUCKER!!

3. I appreciate your friendship so freaking much. There are no words to express how much you mean to me. You’re always there for me, whether to sympathize, to lecture, or simply to listen to me. And you always make going home an adventure. Glad that our dads worked together, or we never woulda started talking, lol. Thanks for being you. You are the best. Ever.

4. I wish I could tell you what I’m feeling, and how I feel about you. Maybe someday soon…

5. I lost touch with you for a couple of years. But when we started talking again, its like we never lost that time. You’ve saved my life a whole bunch of times. You’re awesome. You even make me go to class! I hope everything works out for the both of us! Because we definitely deserve it.

6. I don’t even know what to say to you here. You know what you mean to me, even though I don’t say it because it would be “gay.” But dude, you’ve been there for me from the start. We’ve become pretty different people in the years since we’ve met, but our relationship is still the same. That’s pretty fuckin’ awesome. I love you man.

7. My little buddy. Wherever I go, he goes: almost always getting the automatic shotty in the Lexus. All the psych sessions in the car parked around the corner out of sight. All the tears. HAHA. We’re such little girls. I love you man.

8. We were the gayest duo in high school. I mean, freaking everybody knew about our homosexual relationship in HS. MY BAD for ditching you junior and senior year. But PROPS to you for sticking by me even though I lost sight of my priorities. You mean a lot to me man. Thanks for sticking by me through the thick and thin, and I hope my random bits of advice help you out, even though I’m in no position to give any.

9. Hey man. Long time no talk. I don’t know, when we’re in person I feel like its no problem at all opening up to you, but for some reason, talking on the phone/aim/xanger, we just seem to drift apart… You gotta know that your friendship means a lot to me, and just because I don’t reach out while we’re both away doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you. You stuck by me through forever and a day too. Please don’t stop. Thanks.

10. You’ll probably never read this since you never xanger anymore. But I’ll probably make you read it. HA. So yeah, I don’t know what it was, but you were the first person here at Cornell I felt comfortable enough to really open up to. Maybe it was the mutual problem. Who knows? But thanks for being there and sorry for being so annoying sometimes. Heh. And I wish I could change the world just enough so that we would both get what we want and be happy forever. But alas, there’s always the daydreams.

11. Another ex-xanger. Actually, you never really xanger-ed. But whatever, I wonder if you can figure out this is you. But yeah, you’re an awesome friend, and I really appreciate your friendship. It made me really sad when you told me that you’d probably move out of the city because of work. I’m gonna miss you man. Keep on being a pimp master. ‘Cause you’re awesome like that.

12. Yet another ex-xanger. Why are all my friends off of xanga? Sigh… It makes me sad. Looks like I’ll have to suck you back in like I sucked in #2. But yeah, we should definitely hang out more and watch more SATC. harhar. You’re super cool. :D

13. You don’t xanga either bitch. But I know you read mine. So you’ll probably read this. I love you mang. You know that. Nuff said. See you tonight at the hole. ;) I’ll bring blue bear.

14. Hi you. You’re super cool. Especially with your uber cool glasses. Don’t hesitate to hit me up if you ever are in need of a detective again. Harhar.

15. So we’ve only chilled like twice. Or maybe it was just that one time. But you’re a super cool person, and you need to come up and visit! You know, for college. Heh. Hope everything’s going well with you, and take comfort in the knowledge that you won’t be a xiao haizi forever! :D

16. Hey. I don’t think you read my xanga anymore. And I haven’t talked to you for like over 2 years. But when we did talk, I always had a lot of fun. You’re really cool, and I really enjoy reading your entries (even though they are few and far between). Too bad you left the city. I don’t even know where you went. Maybe I’ll randomly IM you sometime. Cheers.

17. Hey man. I featured you in my banner. Since you’re such a ghetto badass. We should chill more man. You seem like an uber cool kid. I feel like I could learn a lot from you ;). I’ll see youuu when I come homeeee.

18. Hey its funny. I met you in Kindergarden. Then followed you to Stuy. Then finally to Cornell. Its even funnier how I met you through your brother, but these days I seem to talk to you more than him. Actually, I don’t talk to you. So this is pointless. Anyway, see you around the super cool Queens Village, unless you moved without telling me. :P

19. Hey you. The first thing I think about when I think about you is you writing on me while I slept in class and all those elbow shoves to wake me up. Congratulations on the successful life you will now lead. You are super cool and you always say random encouraging things to me. Even if you don’t know it. Thanks.

20. HEY YOU. We randomly don’t talk for years, and then we randomly talk again. And then when we do we find out we live parallel lives. That’s just WEIRD, but COOL. Anyway, I’ll drop you an IM sometime. To stalk you. Heh.

So… can you figure out who you are? Sorry if you were expecting a comment, I could only do 20. But yeah, know that I love you anyway. And yes, the order I did them in is completely random, so don’t get bigheaded if you’re near the top, and don’t feel bad if you’re near the bottom. I love you all just the same. :D

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend Everyone!

I’ve had a lot of epiphanies lately; some pertaining to the good aspects of life and some pertaining to the not so good ones. You can almost say I’m a manic-depressive philosopher. Sometimes I’m so optimistic about life that I feel like nothing could ever faze me. Other times, it feels like fate has forgotten about me and left me to waste away in the wilderness of life.

Most of my recent, great revelations in life have been inspired through a singular circumstance in my small and banal existence. I feel like this situation is a microcosm of life, and lately, I just happen to be able to look at it and through it at exactly the right magnification.

Or maybe I’m full of bullshit.

Either way, I think I’ve reached an ultimate conclusion on life. And this is probably obvious to you all, but I guess its new to me. I figure I’ve had about the same amount of optimistic revelations as I’ve had pessimistic ones. And I have the feeling that they probably cancel each other out. So that leaves me with nothing. I feel like there is no over-arching, all-encompassing theory on life. Its just there–not for us to figure out, but just for us to experience. Even if it just totally sucks.

Ever notice that when you try the hardest, things just don’t happen the way you want them to? Like when you’re looking for something, you never find it until you give up? It’s like the more you want something, the more difficult it is to get it. I swear fate has a twisted sense of humor. It’s like it knows how to tease you and fuck with your head.

Anyway, I just had an epiphany. I should just stop stressing about certain things. The second I stop trying so hard, everything fits into place and the world is a happy place. Or maybe, it’s just one of life’s lessons: we just have to stop taking things so seriously.

So here’s to a happy stress-free world. At least for today.

P.S. Here’s how the employees at McDonald’s made my day:

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Fuck. I’m in a rut.

This sucks.

Someone help me get out of it.

–> Edit! <———

Someone asked me what a rut was. I couldn’t really explain it since I really didn’t feel like thinking (probably due to the rut) so I looked it up. Here’s one of the defnitions:

rut² ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rt)
n.

1. An annually recurring condition or period of sexual excitement and reproductive activity in male deer.
2. A condition or period of mammalian sexual activity, such as estrus.

Heh. If I was a male deer, then I guess I wouldn’t mind being in a rut so much. But alas, I am not. But this is not the rut that I am in. Unfortunately.

Sometimes I feel like life is just passing me by. While I sit idly at my computer or lay prone on my bed, it seems that a million things are happening outside my little cinderblock of a room. And I’m missing it all.

What if, at this moment, I’m supposed to be walking down the street and through a twist of happenstance, bump into my soulmate? But instead of strolling into a lifetime of happiness, I’m sitting here, writing a xanga entry. Maybe I should be out right now, surrounded by my friends, making a memory that will last a lifetime.

This is college. I should be living it up and taking mental snapshots of experiences I will relive the rest of my life. Fifty years from now, what will I have to reminisce? Will I be filled with regret? Will I be alone because I didn’t happen to tell that girl crossing the street that she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life?

Or, what if I die tomorrow, and the last thing I remember is writing this damn xanga entry?

But then again, if I wasn’t just sitting at my computer just now, I wouldn’t have gotten that IM. So, you know, I guess we just gotta leave it all up to chance. Life’s a tricky bitch ain’t it?

An interesting thing came up today. A friend said that it was weird to hear me swear; not that it was offensive to her or anything, just that it was weird to hear it coming out of me. What do you think of that? Do I seem like a non-swearer? Do shit and fuck seem like words that would never come out of my mouth?

There was a period of time (around freshman year) when I decided not to swear anymore, so those four letter words were replaced with harmless misnomers such as “oh boo” and “not nice.” Damn, that was lame. Anyway, there’s just something liberating and possibly relieving when you just exclaim a nice, strong “Fuck!“. I mean, it feels good to let it out. It’s such a fucking strong word. You know what I mean?

So here’s the thing. Do you think its weird hearing me swear? Does it offend you when I swear? Be honest, because I’m actually semi-considering giving it up. I kinda don’t mind either way. But yeah, this might be the last time you’ll ever me hear me say/write those ugly four-letter words.

Oh, and please no uber-moral, holier-than-thou comments; really not looking for those, because I already know what you have to say about it. Kthxbye.

I passed out tonight for a bunch of reasons; the least embarrassing of which was that I pulled an all-nighter last night and consequently, was t3h uber tired. Actually, now that I think about it, I passed out a couple of times.

I passed out while watching Lost, I passed out during the third episode of Sex and the City, and then I passed out a little bit after that for a good 2 hours or so. So when I woke up, I hobbled over to the computer to check any messages I had gotten. I haven’t been getting many messages lately so I wasn’t really expecting any.

However, to my pleasant surprise, I had like 10 IMs from like 10 different people. Awesome. Too bad most of them had gone to sleep or signed off by the time I got back to my computer. But still, all those flashing lights on my IMs… it was a light show of love.

Does this entry have a point? Not really. I’m just ranting. So sorry if you were expecting some kind of grand epiphany or something. You’re out of luck. But here’s a juicy piece of meat for you: my dinner date with Mel was awesome.

And that’s all you get.. :-D

You know we have more prescription drugs now. Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases. Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings?” Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. Half the time you don’t even know what the commercial is… there’s people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. I’m like, that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

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Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time. You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the Middle East. Terrorist masterminds. Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think? They’re not masterminds.

“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack. And you get on the bus and you blow yourself up.”

“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just…”

“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

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Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time. Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An epidemic like it’s polio. Like we’ll be telling our grandkids about it one day: The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.

“How’d you get through it grandpa?”

“Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

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Sometimes you’ve got to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft? Of course not. You’ve got to spend a lot of time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear wedged up your ass before you start thinking,

“I’m going to take over the world with computers! You’ll see, I’ll show them.”

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We’re in one of the richest countries in the world, but the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago. There are homeless people everywhere. This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard. People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it. Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit? Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He’s homeless.

I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money. He looks right at the homeless guy and goes why don’t you go get a job you bum. People always say that to homeless guys, get a job, like it’s always that easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date. I’m predicting some problems during the interview process. I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy. Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.

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Excerpts from “Underwear Goes Inside the Pants” - Lazyboy. I suggest you download it. By the way, this song was sooo made for Dennis, lol.

On a somewhat related note, there’s this bum situated near Times Square whose sign reads, “Why lie? I need money for beer.” Awesome.