clear rants

I was actually planning on staying in this weekend. But then, since everyone else was dressing up, how could I not? So I threw together a “costume” in about 5 minutes (with Johnny’s help). So the un-matching shoes, shirts tucked into boxers, one folded up sleeve, a faux faux-hawk, mismatching colors, pants tucked into sock, fly open, and sunglasses at night all worked out pretty well I think. Except for the fact they everyone kept on trying to grab the bit of green peeking out of my crotch. RAWR.

Har. We are t3h awesome.

Here’s a list of the costumes:
Clarence: “The Uber Fashion Faux Pas”
Dennis: Quailman (from Doug for those of you who don’t remember)
Dave and Ryan: Peace Restaurant employees
Galen: Peace chef
Steph and Ann: Gangsters
Christine: The Gangster boss
Nicki: Victoria’s Secret Angel
Johnny and Jin: A matching couple… AWWWW
Koichi: The lazy businessman
Wendy: Getting ready to sleep…
Christina: Just took a shower…
Joann: The color black
Dustin: A high class manwhore (can’t you tell?)

Forgive me if I have forgotten you…

A couple of days ago I wrote this really long entry. It was basically just me ranting in a not so clear way. But after a whole two minutes of it being posted, I took it down. Why? Because I read it over and realized it contained too many of my personal thoughts and made me feel uber vulnerable. Basically, I pussied out, so you don’t get to read it. But what you do get to read is the watered-down (and much much shorter), wholesome-for-the-whole-family disney version.

If I could sum up my life right now in one word, it would be: confusing. The way my life is going, the things going on in it, and everything I think about are all a big confusing mess. Just when I think I have everything figured out (or at least enough to keep me blissfully content), life decides to squeeze me some lemons; rotten ones at that.

I want to go back to the days when everything was simple; when my days weren’t consumed with foolish, shallow thoughts. I’ve become one of those people I’ve never thought I would become. The sad thing is, if I don’t think about it, I enjoy it. But when I do think about it, it makes me sick. Can you see why I’m confused? So I’m trying to simplify everything thats confusing me but I’ve come to realize that no matter how simple I make them, they’re still complicated as hell.

My life is just a bunch of messy contrafuckindictions. Awesome.

I think it’s that time of year when I turn the magnifying glass within and take a rusty old knife and dig out all the shit that I’ve been letting fester and rot inside. Right, so here’s a bunch of not so clear rants. We’ll just let this shit flow out, like severe diarrea.

I feel like all my life I’ve been in a shell: a self-imposed prison perpetuated by my sheltered upbringing, my introvert personality, and my unimposing frame. And I can’t help but feel like I’m just a boring person. I feel like I have nothing to say, and when I do, I’m too intimidated to speak my mind. I don’t enjoy the same things that everyone else does. I’m not a drinker and I’m not a partier. I mean, sure, I do like to dance and everything, but I guess I’m not the best in social situations. I think I’ll just stick to my room in front of the mirror.

My biggest fear is that one day, all my friends will wake up and realize that I am a boring person and have nothing at all to offer them. Sometimes I find it an impossibility that people would even want to be friends with me.

You may think that that’s an irrational fear. But I really do worry. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and I realize that, with the exception of my parents, I am alone in this world. I guess that’s why I treasure my friends so much and I’m always just trying to please them. I know it sounds dumb, but that’s just the way I am. My dad is also a “pleaser.” I think that’s where I get it mostly. We’re so eager to please and to avoid confrontation, to be liked, that sometimes we allow people to walk all over us.

Anyway, so I guess sometime in high school, I looked at my life and decided I needed to make a change. Because frankly, this would not fly… anymore. I started being more outgoing, trying to be more friendly, and I think I’ve changed a lot since my awkward adolescent days. But I still have a ways to go. On the bright side, I think that I am finally being able to enjoy life and be myself; I’ve started to care less about what other people think.

But when it comes down to it, I’m still a quiet, little, chinese boy. My shyness still pisses me the fuck off. I mean, why can’t I be like other people and just be myself around complete strangers? Why am I afraid to even talk to new people? And while I’ve made a lot of progress in being more open and friendly, I don’t really have the time to work on it. Job interviews are coming up and I’m not gonna get jobs being a shy little boy. I need to exert myself and show them that I’ve got personality. I mean, I think that I’m a pretty cool person, but you just need to get to know me. And where I am right now, that really can’t happen in the limited time of an interview.

Thinking about a career makes me think about my indeterminate future. What if I can’t get a job? Am I even going into the right career? What the fuck am I going to do in my life?? I hate thinking about the future; too many bleak and dreary possibilites to think about. It just gets me depressed. Which is why I prefer to live in the present. But that’s not the best thing in the world.

Alright, I am definitely starting to ramble on now, and I’m starting to not make much sense any more. So this self-deprecation is going to stop now, and I guess it was good to get it off my chest. My manly chest. Harhar.

Oh yes, I purposely made this entry uber long so that probably only those who really care about me would read it. Everybody else who doesn’t really care would probably just be intimidated by such an imposing entry and just move on. So if you’re still reading, thanks. I really appreciate that you’re in my life and that you care. And if you were just bored and decided to read my random ramblings, then sorry if I disappointed you. Oh yeah, comments/props are disabled, because I’m too self-concious to hear what you people have to say about this entry.

One more thing. I don’t think like this all the time. I’m generally an uber happy person. It’s just when I get into one of my “moods,” I begin to overanalyze and feel like shit. So don’t worry about me. Really. I’m good. I just needed to get some shit off my chest. My manly chest. Harhar.

So they tell me a gay guy was showing his interest in me this weekend. I’m still not sure, but here’s the scenario, and you give me your two cents. If you don’t care about the scenario just scroll down to the bottom and read that. I know this entry is really un-straight, but I assure you that I am very straight. :P

Setting: Macaroni Grill
Who: Me, a guy (wearing a purple shirt), and 2 girls
The Story: So the four of us walk into Macaroni Grill together, the two girls in front, and my friend and I behind them. We walk up to the host and he looks at us, and asks the girls, “How many? Two?” How odd, we think. But we just pass it off as randomness. After we explain that we are a party of four, he asks, “Sitting together?” More randomness. But its ok, we don’t give it much attention because we’re hungry mofos. So after he leads us to a booth, the girls slide in on one side, and I slide in to the other side. I turn to say something to my friend, and lo, behold, the host has slid in right next to me with a big grin on his face, leaving my friend standing.

Now that’s just a little weird. Oh yes, and the host was definitely gay.

The Analysis: So this is what my friends think happened. He asked if we were separate parties because he was hoping that me and my friend were gay and on a date or something. And then he sat next to me becuase… he wanted to sit next to me. Great analysis.

Discussion: First of all, I want to say that I have nothing against gay people so don’t take this entry the wrong way. And I don’t feel gross or anything if he indeed came on to me (I don’t mean “came on to me” literally ;)). If anything, I feel flattered. I honestly don’t think he was interested, but whatever.

On to the thought provoking questions!

Anyway, so I was telling Mei, Christina and Galen about this in the car, and Christina brought up her gay friend who says he only comes on to (maybe literally here) other gay guys because of his superb gay-dar. If indeed the host was showing his interest in me, was it because he thought I was gay?

Then Mei brought up the point that all the guys she knows that get hit on by gay guys are all “small.” As if there is something appealing about a “small” (as in height, not length) guy. Is it because a small guy is less imposing and easier to make a pass at? Or is it because we’re so damn cute and cuddly? I like the latter possibility.

But yeah, interesting experience this weekend.

First of all, Mel and Helen are awesome. I’m gonna take them out to lunch, ’cause they are the uber people in life. They’re also the reason I probably won’t fail my test tomorrow (today).

Apparently my bumiosity is known far and wide. According to Helen, it’s common knowledge that “Clarence never goes to class, never does work, and studies for his tests the night/morning before.” How sad that that’s right on point. So I’m thinking of a minor change in lifestyle, I’m gonna be like Galen and start going to class, but still not do any work. By the way, I am not allowed around Galen when its too early in the morning, because he antagonizes my giddiness.

Here’s to a fun fun weekend (that must be kept on the d/l). Live it up!

As you guys know, I’m in the running for the title of biggest bum in the world. As I was living up to my name (as biggest bum in the world) I was going through random people’s away messages / profiles on my buddylist. So I happen upon Maryanne’s: a mysterious link titled “The Bum Song.mp3″.

“Holy shit! The bum song! That should be my song!”

So I download the song, and I’m like “AWESOME! THIS IS MY SONG!” Giddy from happiness of finding (yet) another song that fits my life so damn well, I praise Maryanne for finding such an awesome song. However, to my surprise, she tells me:

maryanne: i wrote it and recorded it in an hour

Maryanne, you are my master. You are the uber talent.

Annie.K - The Bum Song Enjoy the song bitches!

I think I’ve gained the distinguished distinction of being the biggest bum in the world. Here’s what I’m putting on the ol’ application.

I woke up at 4 pm this afternoon.

My first reaction to such a statement is, “wow, i’m awesome.” But upon further thought (didn’t take much), I realize that that statement is kind of fucked up. What the hell is going on? I have shit to do and the whole day is gone! That shit’s just unacceptable. I mean, sure, I did go to sleep at like 6 in the morning last night. But still, I need to suck it up. Right then, so to paraphrase the illustrious supersock, “Imma see yo ass on the corner beggin for yo change beotch!”

So please hook a brotha up. ‘Cause you know, every penny counts.

The Highlights: (for those of you too lazy to read the whole post)

+ Beasted on about a week’s worth of food.
+ Bawled like a baby during Friday Night Lights
+ Saw I <3 Huckabees. Still not sure if I liked it or not.
+ Stayed up for about 42 hours straight. Barely noticed it.
+ Passed Johnny around like a slutty white girl.
+ Introduced school friends to home friends. Funnnnnnnnnn.

The Extended Version:

Friday, October 8, 2004
+ Long-ass annoying butt munch of a bus ride.
+ Ate Dallas BBQ with Jerry and Johnny.
+ Ate Gray’s Papaya with Jerry and Johnny.
+ Poker with the uber moron that ruined it for everyone. RAWR.
+ Split a White Castle crave case with Mark, Jerry and Johnny.
+ Passed the fuck out around 8:00 am.

Saturday, October 9, 2004
+ Parents woke me up around 1ish.
+ Haircut + Pho in Chinatown with the parents.
+ Mowed lawn with the pops.
+ Church with Mike, the special guest.
+ Clown carred the Lexus to Sago.
+ “Oh shit! It’s a cop! DUUUUUCK!!!”
+ Uber fun times at Sago.
+ “OMFG! How the hell did this get all over my fingers?!?”
+ “Can I please get a purple straw? No, the dark purple one.”
+ Dropping people off till 1:30 + getting dressed up.
+ Sorry guys for making us late.
+ Wandered around the village looking for a non-sausage fest.
+ More Gray’s Papaya
+ Chilled at Mark’s house.

Sunday, October 10, 2004
+ Got home around 6 am.
+ Got absolutely no sleep at all.
+ Went to the beach to see the sunrise with the parents. Don’t ask why.
+ Mingled at / went to church.
+ Breakfast with Ike, Eman, and Al.
+ Picked up Johnny and watched Friday Night Lights with Al.
+ Bawled like a BABY. WAH.
+ Chilled at church for a bit and picked up Mike and Jen.
+ Beasted at Master Grill: Brazilian BBQ… HWAT!
+ Dropped off the “xiao haizi” (hope they didn’t get into too much trouble)
+ Btw, Jen, you are uber awesome and must definitely hang out with us more.
+ Chilled at Mark’s house with Al and Johnny.
+ Got home with Johnny and passed the fuck out around 2ish.

Monday, October 11, 2004
+ Woke up late ’cause the phone decided to peace the fuck out.
+ Picked up Mike and met up with Al and Erica and went to SoHo.
+ Met up with Mark and shopped; hard decisions had to be made.
+ Johnny, you should’ve def gotten that jacket at Club Monaco.
+ Ran into Josh, chen0r, and Will coming out of Express. hoLLEr.
+ Subwayed it to Times Square to see I <3 Huckabees.
+ Still not sure if I <3 Huckabees or not. But poster = awesome.
+ Went to Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Co. for a fuckin’ delicious meal.
+ Passed out on the subway home.
+ “OMG, I can seriously see your vein throbbing!”
+ Chilled / passed out at Mark’s house.
+ Went home and conversed with the parents for a while. Good times.
+ Tried unsuccessfully to watch a DVD on my Win98 computer.
+ Watched JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure back at Mark’s. (Not a porno)
+ 4 am trip to Cherry Valley for 2 Beasts and a small couch.
+ Ate at home, and food coma’d it.

Tuesday, October, 12, 2004
+ Bus and subwayed it to Port Authority where we ran into Steph.
+ Uber fast bus ride: only a little over 4 hours! w00t.
+ Gonna watch Friday Night Lights again tonight with the Cornell peeps.

And there that is. Awesome fuckin’ break.

I’m getting a little bored with the current hairstyle. I kinda wish I didn’t have asian hair. All these white people have awesome hair (Brad Pitt, Jude Law, etc.) and my asian hair just can’t deal with that kind of flow. I’ve tried the faux hawk (of Beckham fame) but it just doesn’t fit. Blah.

I like what I got now because its short and low-maintenance. I’m not a fan of spending time in the morning working on the hair. So, does anybody have any suggestions of a hot and sexy hairstyle for a hot and sexy asian guy? All suggestions are welcomed and appreciated.

kthxbye.

By the way, this is Mark’s suggestion. What do you think?

We all know that the Postal Service is an awesome band. If you didn’t know, now you know. However, often neglected is the appreciation of the US Postal Service: “Through rain, through sleet and snow, etc.” Props to them for making my uber day today! So I got a couple things in the mail today, and just for your viewing pleasure here is what I got!

A letter from the one and only nanners! You are uber awesome!

Uber cheap sunglass knockoffs! You know, for when I play at being a metrosexual. They were only $ 0.99 each! How can you blame me?

And last but not least, my ticket to the death cab concert!!! Weeeeee!