clear rants

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

NOTHING
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”.

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

GO AHEAD (Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT’S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow”.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

Once again, stolen from DaCurryman.

……………………………………
If you want to be fruitful………………………………call John 15
When you have sinned………………………………..call Psalm 51
When you worry…………………………………………..call Matthew 6:19-34
When you are in danger………………………………call Psalm 91
When God seems far away…………………………call Psalm 139
Whenyour faith needs stirring…………………….call Hebrews 11
When you are lonely and fearful…………………call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical……………….call I Corinthians 13
For Paul`s secret to happiness………………….call Colossians 3:12-17
For understanding of Christianity……………….call II Corinthians 5:15-19
When you feel down and out………………………call Romans 8:31
When you want peace and rest…………………..call Matthew 11:25-30
When the world seems bigger than God……..call Psalm 90
When you want Christian assurance…………..call Romans 8:1-30
When you leave home for labor or travel…….call Psalm 121
When your prayers grow narrow or selfish……call Psalm 67
For a great invention/opportunity………………..call Isaiah 55
When you want courage for a task……………….call Joshua 1
For how to get along with your fellow man……call Romans 12
When you thinkofinvestments and returns…call Mark 10
If you are depressed………………………………………call Psalm 27
If your pocketbook/wallet is empty……………….call Psalm 7
If you are losing confidence in people…………..call I Corithians 13
If people seem unkind…………………………………..call John 15
If you are discouraged about your work…………call Psalm 126

Alternate Numbers
For dealing with fear……………………………………..call Psalm 34:7
For security……………………………………………………call Psalm 121:3
For assurance……………………………………………….call Mark 8:35
For reassurance…………………………………………….call Psalm 145:18

You thought it was just a simple game didn’t you? Alas, so did I. Until I hit DaCurryman’s Xanga. It’s actually a metaphor–a foil for the real life status quo.

Rock = Power
Paper = Money
Scissors = Intelligence

Money controls Power
Power is stronger than Intelligence
Intelligence owns Money

Niiiice.

A: What’s your screenname?
Me: a-n-a-z-n-s-a-i-n-t
A: Ahnahsinsaint??
Me: Err… an asian saint…
A: Oh. You’re “azn”.

Um. Yeah.

So I was thinking of a new screenname. Please vote for what you think is best (I’m leaning towards either 1 or 4).

1. clear rants
2. clear ants
3. clear rents
4. an azn saint

Something new? Something old? Something borrowed? You pick! It’s like a Fox reality show! Except its not at all…

Happy voting! :-D

Recently, Melody reminded me of this debate that went on last year. I posted it on my other site (5/4/2002) and got a lot of feedback so I thought I’d present it to the xanga community and see what they had to say about it:

Recently the eternal question of toilet paper etiquette has come up in our intelligent conversations: Fold or Crumple? Actually, I didn’t even know there was a question. Obviously, the most efficient and sanitary way is to fold your toilet paper when wiping your ass. However, it has come to my knowledge that a significant number of the population (well, at least a significant amount of my friends) crumples the toilet paper. What are you guys thinking?

First of all, folding is much more paper-efficient. We have a clean ass and save the trees at the same time. Crumplers have admitted that they use more toilet paper than us Folders per swipe (almost a 2:1 ratio!!!) Plus, as a Folder we have the benefit of just folding that t.p. over and using it a second time. You can’t do that as a Crumpler. Can you say inefficient?

Proponents of the crumple system have claimed that folding is inefficient because it takes time to fold the t.p. instead of just pulling a ton of it off the roll and crumpling it. Us folders would like to inform you that we have a system. When we sit down, we already begin the folding process: you pull out the t.p., fold it, and place it on your knee. So, when you’re done with your business, your paper is all ready: madd efficient.

Now on to the cleanliness factor. It is a commonly known fact that folding is much more clean: Folders are sure, without a doubt, that the waste stays on one side of the t.p. Crumplers, on the other hand, because they use a spherical device, have no such confidence. It can go anywhere! With the folding technique, you are further away from your butt. However, with the crumple technique, you have to “get in there.”

Now as the debate continues, I’d like to hear which system you guys support: Comment!!. Those of you who support the folding technique, show your support and feel free to add any benefits I may have missed. Those who crumple, show some support for your wicked wicked ways, and try to convince the rest of the world why crumpling is better.

So far it’s been a great year: hugged my mom and dad. Here’s to the rest of the year being filled with so much love.

You know what? I have a feeling it will be… ;-)

Note: Check the time on this and the previous entry. I’m such a herb.. :-P