clear rants

Friday, September 29, 2002

12:15 PM - Saint boards the Shortline bus to New York City.
6:15 PM - Saint arrives at Port Authority, NYC.
7:25 PM - Saint arrives at the Friday night Fellowship Meeting
7:45 PM - Parents walk in…

I’m sitting front-row center with a silly smile on my face, observing the surprised expressions on everybody’s face as they walk in and notice me. :D Then my mom walks in, takes a quick look around, and does a pseudo-double-take. “Is that Clarence??”

I smile like a fool at her.

She starts pinching her cheeks in disbelief, is she having a dream? Naw. I’m really there. So my dad walks in, and she starts tapping him frantically, pointing at me. He glances over and a big smile breaks out on his face. Nice. Mission accomplished.

So my mom spends the rest of the weekend calling up my grandma and my aunts and telling them about the surprise, you should’ve heard her. She was super happy. :D

Cherry Valley

After church, Mark came over to chill with some Cherry Valley. We weren’t at all prepared for what we were in for. We split an order of The Beast and the Couch Potato. Holy crap, you could feel those badboys clogging up your arteries/veins/heart. Let’s examine them:

The Beast
Fried Chicken breast, Bacon, Onion Rings, Cheese, and Gravy on Garlic Bread.

The Couch Potato
Fries, smothered in mozarella cheese and gravy.

Ouch. I think we took off at least 5 years off our life.

Saturday Night

I walk into the Love Feast, and say wsup to everybody and Amy calls me over. So I have a nice little conversation with her, when, all of a sudden, someone rushes me from behind. Who is it? My lil bro, Moe. He was one happy little fella to see me. Ha. Yeah, so after the gospel meeting, I took him and Mike out to eat at Fame. We had some good conversation:

Moe: “Am I gay?”
Moe: “I don’t wanna be a faggot!!”

LOL.

Deep Conversation

The conversation got increasingly more profound as we chilled at Mike’s place. We talked about religion and Christianity and its conflicts with science. Deep stuff indeed.

Headed over to Moe’s around 12, and we had the ill conversation about everything, and well, everything. Including 12 year old age differences… gross. We’re not safe. Not at all. Yeah, so headed home around 3 at which time I crashed.

Sunday

Went to church, said goodbye to everyone, got on the bus, got a little nauseous.

That’s about it.

Overall, a great trip back. See ya’ll in 2 weeks, lol.

Alright. I didn’t want to say anything, but this is getting nasty. There’s underwear all over the floor in the fourth floor men’s bathroom in my dorm. What the heck. That’s gross. The first pair to show up was a pair of plaid blue boxers laying randomly in the bathroom. I walked in and thought, that’s weird. But whatever.

A couple nights ago, I go in to take a shower, and notice the blue boxers, I turn a corner, and there on the floor are a pair of nasty white boxers. Weird.

2 nights ago, I go in for my monthly shower and say hi to the blue boxers and give the white boxers a high five. But behold, what do I see on the floor next to the white boxers, a pair of tighty whities. Holy crap, thats gross. I quickly scrambled to the shower and got the hell out of there.

Why is there so much random underwear getting left behind in the bathroom?? I mean, you’d think you’d remember to bring your underwear out with you after you finish your shower. Or at least, when you get to you room, you realize it. And even for the slowest of people, the next day when you go back for another shower, seeing your underwear on the floor might spark your memory. But damn, the underwear have been there for like 3-4 days. That’s nasty.

Here’s my theory. No one is that retarded to leave underwear there for that long. I think they’ve been abducted. They were minding their own business, showering, and whatnot, and they got abducted by aliens. That’s why they were unable to take their underwear with them. That’s the only explanation.

Uhoh. I think I scared myself. :-D

10 Things You Didn’t Want to Know

Saw this on Eunice’s xanga:

Warning: the following list is really nasty.

1. During an hour swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.
2. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)
3. An average persons yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.
4. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!
5. Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
6. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
7. In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.
8. At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.
9. Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples’ anal gases.
10. Sharing a bag of chips with a friend gives you a 10% chance of ingesting a small amount of their feces.

Ouibear78: you have an away message for when you are sh_tting??
Ouibear78: that’s ridiculous
Ouibear78: seriously
Ouibear78: you need to un-addict yourself to aim
Ouibear78: absurd
Ouibear78: <shakes head> kids these days
Ouibear78 signed off at 1:59:55 AM

LOL.

So who thinks I’m addicted to AIM? Raise your hand, or leave some comments: we’ll take a vote of sorts (like we don’t know the answer :P).

The Beginning

8:40 AM. I pop out of bed at the last possible second, run to the computer and check weather.com for the day’s high, and AIM for any messages left over night. Hopping on one leg into my pants, with my shirt half over my head, I hobble over to the bathroom and primp. 10 minutes later, the Clarence you all envy/desire/admire struts out of the bathroom, looks at his watch, and runs back to his room. I manage to get all my books together, put up the appropriate away message and run to class. 10 minutes to run across campus to Mallott ain’t so bad. I’m Superman remember?

Orgo

Having some Starbucks Frappucino (and the accompanying caffeine) in me, I felt like taking on Organic Chem like I’ve never before: I decided to actually pay attention instead of just performing the rote task of copying notes. You know what? It worked. I actually understood what was going on and stayed awake the whole lecture. I should get a bazillion eprops just for being able to sit somewhere for about an hour and not fall asleep. I’m nice.

Skinny German Man

So I’m heading home for my 2 hour lunch break, and I notice a giant crowd surrounding a skinny white man in Ho Plaza. Intriguing. So I stop and take a look. He’s putting on a show. The first trick I happened upon was balancing a plunger on his chin and throwing up a bowling bowl and catching it with the plunger (still on his chin). Not only was that amazing enough, but he was cracking jokes like a maniac. My personal highlight of the show was when he was feigning disappointment in the crowd participation and asked “What do I need to do to get some ‘wows’?? Sing the score from the ‘Sound of Music’ and light my hair on fire??” Laughs from the audience. “Who has a lighter??” So he turns on “Goodbye, farewell” on his speakers, and proceeds to bring the lit lighter closer and closer to his hair. Everybody stands in stunned silence and awe.

“What’s wrong with you people?!? You’re just gonna stand there and watch me set my hair on fire?? What kind of people are you?? Evil, evil people!!”

LOL.

The Pain

After classes were over, me and the roommate headed over to Teagle to work out for an hour or so. Then we ran back. Needless to say, we weren’t the most comfortable of chaps. So we got home and just crashed in our chairs.

Then we remembered the need for laundry. I was running out of socks. He was running out of something else I don’t remember. Or maybe he wasn’t running out of anything. I’m not sure. But anyway, we did our laundry. Those clothes are pretty heavy, especially after working out these massively big arms.

So the plan for dinner tonight was some KSA culture thing over at Noyes. Free korean food? I’m there! However, all that expense of energy during the day was taking its toll on us. So we decided to head over to HK to split a 2 dish meal. Once at HK, we decided to get our own meals for ourselves. Plus, the free soup that’s never there at night.

Holy crap. We were dead. We could barely walk back to the dorm. It was horrible. As we shuffled our way back to the dorm like 80 year old men, Eug exclaimed, “Whoa there, speed demon, where do you think you’re going?” I think I had tripped so it gave the appearance of my walking at a normal speed. Yeah, shut up, it would’ve been funny if you were there.

So we ended up not going to Noyes, because that probably would’ve resulted in the ill blowing of chunks, which isn’t nice at all. Not at all.

The End

Damn, I’m tired. Off to do some homework. I know, I know, you don’t believe me, because I never do homework. Ha.

I wasn’t thinking of doing an entry today, but then I realized (or rather, my roommate pointed out) that today is Friday, the 13th. Not really a special day, but eh, its unique. I don’t even know why its unique, something instilled from our childhood: the day of bad luck. But you know, everyday is filled with bad luck. You just happen to notice it more when someone tells you that that day is especially unlucky. A case for the power of suggestion.

Transformation

I’m scared. I’m turning into my roommate. No offense to him or anything, but I’m scared. Submit the following for your approval, and you tell me what’s going on:

Case 1
As we entered the elevator, my roommate hit the button for our floor. I then proceeded to act like an idiot, and jam the floor button repeatedly with a look of profound concentration upon my face. I then looked up with a grin. My roommate, looked at me, and then replied, “You know, that’s something I would do.” I thought about it, and he was right. The transformation had begun.

Case 2
Discovering the ability to add live video through instant messaging, I went buckwild, inviting everyone on my buddylist to watch me act like an idiot: including my roommate’s sister. As she watched the both of us on camera, she remarked: “You guys look like each other!!” What a compliment for my roommate.

Case 3
I happened to wake up randomly the other night for no reason at all, I looked over at him, and he was looking back at me. He replied “Eww. That’s sick.” I agree. Walking up randomly in the middle of the night is a very personal matter. It’s a moment of serenity when you’re in the transition between wakefulness and the bliss of sleep. That’s just scary when you and someone else wake up at the same time, during that very personal moment.

I’m scared. I really am. I am turning into Eugene Chang.

I<3NY

I woke up this morning and realized what day it was. A look outside confirmed it all. The first gloomy, cloudy, dreary day in a long time. Coiincidence? Naw.

As I walked to class, and the smooth misty drizzle splattered upon my face, I began to reflect upon what happened a year ago. I pictured all the pain, all the suffering, and all the love. I prayed this morning on my way to class, and I couldn’t help but have a few tears stream from my eyes. We all think back to September 11, and the first thing that comes to mind is all the pain, anger, and strife. My problems just don’t seem so big anymore.

On September 11, 2001, a crisis occurred. It could’ve been a lot worse. What I saw, and what people all over the world saw, was an outpouring of love. What we saw was humanity at its best: courage, valor, honor, and love. I remember the images of men, due to a shortage of gloves, bare-handedly digging though the rubble for survivors. Not even caring about their bloodied hands, they searched for their fellow men and women. Heroes: many were made that fateful day. Seeing that just makes me proud to be human and American. God bless America.

That’s what I remember when I think of September 11. The humanity. I remember seeing, in the aftermath of the tragedy, how amazing the city was. Forget Philly, for those couple of months after 9.11, NYC was the city of brotherly love. Everyone cared for one another. It was amazing. Just seeing humanity at its best makes me happy. It brings tears to my eyes. But why does it take a tragedy for humanity to express God? Why can’t we do it every day? The world would be such a better place.

Hook up the love.

I’d like to ask all of you, after reading this, please take a moment to just reflect.

Edit: I can’t stand this song playing everytime I start up xanga, so click here to listen to: Enrique Iglesias - Hero (WTC Tribute)

Read Dave’s latest entry. Simply amazing.

I’m f_ckin’ tired of keeping this bottled up.

To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to say. I feel like my life’s spinning out of control. I see it happening, but I’m apathetic about it. When I think about it, I get anxious and depressed, so I stop. What’s wrong with me? I can’t bring myself to get my sh_t together.

I felt like I gained so much this summer spiritually. I see it slipping away everyday. I feel myself sliding backwards: getting further and further away from Christ everyday. My mom sends me morning watch sheets every week, Uncle Ricky hooked me up with a Morning Revival booklet. Do I use them? No. Why am I so apathetic about my spiritual life? Bah.

Schoolwork. Bah. I can’t bring myself to do it. I do it the night before its due. Most of the time. The rest of the time I do it right before class. Why. Why. Why am I so apathetic? How hard is it to pull out a book and study? Not hard at all. Ugh. I feel like I’m on a thin rope about to snap at any time. I’m barely hanging on.

I care about what’s going on, but at the same time, I look at it, and act like I’m thinking “eh whatever.” I feel like I’m the only one going through this. Its a very lonely feeling. I look around, look at myself, and feel like crap. I don’t really know who to talk to about it, it sucks. I feel so alone. So I’m gonna rant to the whole world. What a retard.

This semester I set two goals for myself: get closer to God, and do well in school. I’ve definitely failed at the first, and I feel like if I don’t do something soon, I’m gonna fail at the second. Not nice.

I almost feel like a robot. It’s like I walk around just going through the motions: go to class, laugh at jokes (even the retarded ones), act like an idiot, be the Clarence every one thinks they know. Put on the facade. Don’t let them see what’s really going on. Laugh it off.

Things need to change. One way or another, things need to change. I want to be who I was during the summer. That was life. That was joy. Lord, help me.

A lot of people have been asking about the bump on my head in the picture. First of all, I’d like to address the validity of the picture. Yes, the picture is real. It has not been digitally tampered with. Also, contrary to popular opinion, the bump is not as steep as Libe Slope. Excuse me, while I use this moment to laugh at those living on West: Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway… wait, one more: Ha.

So. By now, the swelling is almost gone, and thank God, it never went black and blue (cross your fingers that it stays that way!!). Anyway, I’ve told the story so many times that I’m gonna cut the bs and give it to y’all straight.

115 pounds dropped on my noggin’ from the height of my fully extended arms. A normal man would have died, a diesel man would have passed out. Luckily, I’m Superman. All I got was this bump on the head, and the silly embarrassed smile on my face when I explain the bump to people.

Happily, I no longer resemble a beluga whale and my right eye can fully open. The bruise healed super-fast thanks to the injury-experienced roommate who gave me all these tips of how to stay alive.

The only bad thing is… I think those two brain cells that I’ve been saving up for the past year or so were decimated by the blow. Someone told me brain cells don’t grow back. Damn, that’s probably why I did that quiz below.

My College Is: Cornell University Students at Cornell University are very studious. Students at Cornell University masturbate a lot. There are lots of frats and sororities. Booze is the drug of choice. The average GPA is 3.5 Enroll

Holy crap that’s funny! And sadly, its true…

The Know Your Saint contest starts at 12:00 AM on September 7, 2002.

Will you be ready?

Will you be the first?

Good luck.

This morning, I groggily hopped down the 2 feet off my bed complete with the usual morning glory and a perpetual pressure on my bladder. The morning had begun.

I rubbed my eyes, turned on the computer monitor, and opened Winamp. With that done, I hiked to the men’s room (damn, it’s far). I was anticipating releasing all that pent-up urine that I had accumulated over the muggy night. As I entered the stall, what do I see but somebody else’s nocturnal collection of liquid waste. Not nice. That’s not what I want to see in the morning. Not at all.

First of all, thats gross. Second of all, I don’t know how long that urine has sat in that toilet. I was there around 9:30. People get up as early as 7:00. That means it could have been there for two and a half hours. Do you know how many reactions could have gone on in that toilet in that time? I mean, I am at Cornell and I did (barely) pass General Chemistry, I know that when you leave something to sit, it doesn’t just sit, especially in such a volatile environment as a toilet. It might not even have been urine anymore. It could have mutated into something else.

So I flushed and moved on to another stall.