In a recent conversation with a friend, we revisted the many grandiose romantic events from my past relationships. While going through all of these with her, it occurred to me, in my next relationship, would I go to all the same trouble? Do two busy “grown-ups” in this day and age have the time and energy to plan and enjoy a great romantic event?
In high school and college, great displays of affection (I hesitate to say love because, really, how many high school and college kids are really in love?) were the norm. Walking to class, you would see girls’ names written in 20 foot letters in the snow. Boys could be seen shuffling in all directions holding single roses. The most creative and thoughtful gifts were planned months in ahead and constructed with the utmost care. There were secret rendezvouses and midnight walks through the park. Couples walked hand in hand everywhere. Unfortunately, you don’t really hear about such things anymore.
What happened to the romance? As we got older, it seems those homemade works of art have been replaced by single (albeit expensive) purchases from the jewelry store. Couples no longer walk together just for the sake of walking together–in fact, even errands are split between the two in an effort to be more efficient. Too often nowadays, an old-fashioned date: dinner and a movie is already considered to be abnormal, something to be anticipated. Is it because “grown-ups” are too busy to spare time on these romantic dalliances? Or is it simply just a matter of money being more convenient than thoughtfulness and effort?
When we were younger, our limited disposable incomes forced us to be more creative with our gifts. We were forced to be thoughtful. Last I remember, a dozen roses cost $60: almost three month’s income for a high school student. Instead, young romantrepreneurs made comprehensive photo collages and constructed meaningful and thoughtful gifts out of simple art and crafts supplies; they made the most of what was available. Now, on a milestone relationship date, all you have to do is stop by the florist on the way home, drop some cash, and boom, mission accomplished. The most preparation required is to circle the date on your calendar.
Were those romantic gestures of the past simply symptoms of puppy love? Are thoughtful and creative gifts simply unnecessary in an adult relationship? I don’t mean to say that jewelry and weekends in the country aren’t romantic. But sometimes, I think it takes more than just throwing money at someone to show them how much you care–that you really thought about what they would like, that you are actually paying attention to the relationship.
I realize I am oversimplifying. And I do realize that it’s the little things that count. In the long run, grandiose romantic gestures mean nothing. But they are memorable, and without them, I do believe relationships can get a little boring. So here I am, a “grown-up,” holding to all of my hopeless romanticism, and hoping we haven’t seen the end of the homemade anniversary gift.
